And that's okay.
The youngest has developed the fine motor skill of putting together towers and creations using Duplos. The oldest is at that in-between Lego size. He has started making airplanes and other structures to which I kindly say, "Tell me about that one," instead of, "What is it?" They sit in their room most afternoons together and build. My heart fills to overflowing, and I know that the best learning is happening as the sun streams through the warped mini-blinds.
We make it to story time most Tuesdays now, which is one of the benefits of no longer doing childcare. The librarian has learned their names, and after the stories and music there are art projects and sensory activities. I haven't done Five in a Row in a couple of weeks, but it doesn't really matter. The boys bring me stacks of books to read over and over again.
Babushka sent Halloween costumes. As we wait for the October days to enjoy the new costumes, the boys turn the box into a firetruck wearing mixing bowl helmets and using big plastic spoons as hoses. The weather has decided to finally be beautiful. We have spent the last two afternoons outside with bubbles and chalk and me yelling, "Watch out for the poop that might be over there!" When I am exhausted we watch PBS DVDs from the library, which is usually every day after lunch for a bit.
I make pancakes and chocolate chip cookies, but not on the same day. Each time I get thank you's from Bubby, especially if I have let him help mix in the ingredients. I take them by myself to the zoo on Saturday because I am a little bit crazy. I let them use Play-doh after I vacuumed today, and from that I realize I am learning just as much as they are.
I am letting go. I am learning. Life is messy. Life is good, even when it is hard. And we are simply learning. Together.